- loving & celebrating in the last 4 weeks, my sweet husband turning 50 and our 26th Wedding Anniversary.
At the moment, I'm..
- missing our lovely Lucy who is now at University studying medicine a long way away...but is very happy (phew!)
At the moment, I'm..
- very disappointed at Coldplay's new album Mylo Xyloto and shouldn't really stay up late and take photos of myself with Chris like a teenager, when everyone else has gone to bed. Wish they would forget the expensive producers etc and go back to what they used to be like. Ring me Chris!
(image Cath Kidston)
At the moment, I'm..
- anticipating putting the above duvet and pillowcases (not the spotty ones though) on our bed on Christmas Eve. Sooo excited!! Sooooooo gorgeous. I've got to repaint our bedroom floor first though. Cath has made me have serious wanties this autumn in the bedlinen department. Bad Cath.
- delighted to be wearing my Dr Martens Triumph boots again, and this winter I have a brown pair too. So one day it's the brown and the next it's the black. I wear nothing else. Er, well I do wear dresses and jeans too!
- so happy it's my favourite time of year. The Christmas magazines are out, the leaves are the most wonderful colours, the smell of woodsmoke is in the air, the evenings are drawing in and everything is cosy.
- secretly confessing that I have already played some Christmas music and am loving it.
- touched by your concern by my long blog absence. I am fine but needed (and still need I think) to have a break from blogging. At the beginning of January I will have been blogging for 6 years - 6 years (!!) and I feel I have lost my blogging voice a bit. What can I say that I haven't said before? I don't live an exciting life and do anything different really from year to year. I don't want to give up completely so will keep on and just hope my mo-jo comes back! I may be just not as regular as I used to be. Thank you though for your patience and kindness. xxxxx
It's funny how life can be ticking along quite happily and then life trips you up quite spectacularly! Hence my blog absence for awhile and it may be a little sporadic in the coming weeks so please be patient with me. It's nothing to do with my health I hasten to add (phew). Anyway, I apologise for the lengthy delay in updating you with my comings and goings and I still realise I haven't done my before and after weight loss post which I will.
But today I want to share with you some family news that's been happening over the last few weeks. Firstly, Alice left her secondary school in June, which sounds funny seeing she was still in primary school when I started this blog 5 and a half years ago (she will be going to a new school in September to do her A levels). In July she attended her Prom - such great anticipation! She had been talking about her dress for months, changing her mind on a weekly basis. She looked so grown up. She has suddenly matured in the last few weeks and is blossoming before our eyes. Can it just slow down a bit please?
Then we had Tom's graduation...can you honestly believe 3 years has gone by?? Anth, me and Granny went to the ceremony and our hearts nearly burst with pride. It hasn't been an easy ride for him but he stuck at
it and has achieved his goal. He has a part-time job here at home whilst he decides what he wants to do career-wise. (Blimey, my linen dress needs a good iron!)
And whilst Tom was graduating, Lucy was sitting her driving test for the first time. Oh boy, the stress!!! 'Crikey dick' as my NZ father-in-law would say. But...she passed!! Yes folks, there were no otters on the roads that day so she passed! Woo hoo! And she HATED every blooming minute of learning to drive - though when she reads this she'll say, "No, I didn't!" But between you and me she moaned constantly. Every. Time. But we are also so very pleased and proud of her too. Just wish we could afford to insure her now...
Anth and I are looking forward to a child-free weekend (yeesss!!) which means some high jinks are in order. Bring it on....
Well folks it's a miserable day here in Devon today. Cold too. But then I'm always cold these days. Anyway, it's been a perfect day for snuggling in and knitting.
I got my knitting needles out last week after buying this;
and I was absolutely thrilled, THRILLED to find the 'Bloomer clothes hanger cover' I saw on Lisa's blog Mrs Bobo Bun and quickly got to work.
It's a lovely book - typical Jane - and look, a very similar pattern to the circular cushion I was looking for. (Thank you to all the kind people who helped me out with that.)
I can see my needles will be busy for a long time to come. On the home front, Tom has come home. Yes, he has finished university..where have those 3 years gone?? Remember this post back in 2008? Well today Alice had to remove all her doilies and Justin Bieber posters and return the room back to it's original state. Scary. Now I am a mother with 3 children at home again until Lucy leaves for medical school in September. Alice left school last week. Tom meanwhile is looking for work...I wish time would just stand still for a moment so Anth and I could just relish the noise and laughter for a little while longer. Ah, but certainly not the mess.
..and where do I start? I've pinned myself down onto the sofa for some blogging time, still in my pjs at 10.42am but you won't tell I'm sure. Firstly, I have wonderful news - the answer to many, many prayers - you may remember this post written in March last year all about Lucy not getting a place to read medicine at university despite good grades. Well this year she has taken a gap year and has 2.5 jobs and is learning to drive (that is not going so well despite the lack of otters!) and has reapplied. We found out a month ago that she been successful in getting a place after an interview she'd had at the beginning of January. You may have even heard me squeal when she rang me to tell me the good news! I'm so grateful to God for His answer to prayer and His faithfulness.
On the first weekend of April we went to Salisbury to celebrate Alice's 16th birthday, Matthew's 40th and Mothering Sunday.
It was a treat to have Tom home and to have all my children beside me at the service in Salisbury Cathedral.
Alice is 16 - gee whizz. When I started this blog she was 10 - look at this early post - she was still at primary school and in a few short weeks she will be leaving her secondary school. I haven't done her birthday portrait yet, but she is looking so grown up. She is studying like mad for her GSCE's which are next month.
Anth and I spent a lovely day together on Saturday. We caught the ferry over to Dartmouth
and had a mooch about. I had great delight in returning to a clothes shop that a year ago I couldn't fit into any of their clothes and got pitying looks from the shop assistants. This time around I could fit into their smallest but one size...(size 10) woo hoo! I promise I will do my weight loss post but I have to pin someone down to take some photos. I have no magic answers though - willpower, my medication and a restricted diet have helped me.
Then it was in the car and onto to Slapton Ley for a spot of bird watching. The drive was beautiful with the spring sunshine bathing the Devon countryside.
Blackpool Sands
Hardly any birds were seen so when we got home we went to the bird hide where we saw the woodpecker and our usual friends for our bird fix. Then the next day I was struck down with a terrible cold which is lingering - just in time for the school holidays! Typical! This is turning into a long and rambling post so I will leave you in peace now. Hope all is well with you dear friends.
There was a little friction over the summer between the girls and me - well, more Lucy and myself to be exact but Alice decided to take her side in the matter of what we now call 'Crochetgate!'
During our few days in Salisbury, Bath and Ludlow I had managed to find a few crochet doilies (I'm still to find a pot holder but I'm ever hopeful). I've become more obsessed with doilies as the years progress and have now gone crazy for larger pieces of filet crochet which I like to back in a contrasting fabrics and make into a cushions. They are quite hard to find so when I find one it's like treasure.
Anyway, whilst in Ludlow I went into The Wear House (the new premises and name of Zani Lady) and found a wonderful crochet runner which I had plans for (probably to do with curtains and it wasn't that cheap either). When we got back home and unpacked, I had all my crochet bits I had gathered at the end of my bed ready to put them away. They stayed there for a day or 3. Lucy decided (with maternal prompting) to 'personalize' her bedroom a little more. She decided to paint her chest of drawers. She chose to paint each draw a different colour.
It was her first time painting. There was chaos. I just closed the doors and let her get on with it grateful that for once it wasn't me painting. I put my crochet booty into a large plastic lidded box.
A few days later I decided to get some fabric out of the large plastic lidded box.
I discovered this..
..it looked like a mark...
..a few marks...PAINT!!!!
Well...Lucy is indignant that I could ever imagine it could possibly be her. I mean she was after all the only person painting so it couldn't be, could it? Alice even agrees with her. I'm so outnumbered. This rumbled on for a day or two. We are feisty lot we Goble girls!
Anyone know how to get gloss paint out of crochet?
- I'm finding it so, so hard to juggle my time at the moment with having to work everyday! How do people manage who have to work full-time all the time/run a home/have 3 teenage children at home and sitting exams/have far too many interests to squeeze into one day/and find themselves stuck in bed with migraines 4 out of 5 of the last weekends? Phew..the house is quite unrecognisable with mess/clutter and dirt and I've just had to let some things go - my blogging being one of them. But I have missed this space and am ignoring the dirty floor to sit and chat to you for a while. But I've had a great week this week and here's why.
:: A new crochet obsession- the 'ordinarily extraordinary' blanket ::
:: Singing in a choral workshop in Salisbury Cathedral last Saturday ::
(ooh, I was seriously excited about that folks. I asked Anth to take a photo and I'm afraid they came out a bit blurred to say the least but I've put an arrow pointing to where I am!)
Talking choirs - I spent a large part of my childhood in a church choir and I am desperately yearning to join another that has all the musical parts or a choral society. I'm finding it hard to find one locally but the search is on as the need to sing choral music seems to have been reawakened. It must have been all those times sitting behind the choir in the Quire in Salisbury Cathedral and being so moved by the soaring voices that I am covered in goose bumps and I have a lump in my throat. It is in my blood though as my father used to a chorister at New College Oxford and my lovely aunt Madelyn has her own choir and a beautiful voice. (Though mine does need working on so some lessons might be in order first.)
:: Discovering a new anthem ::
Carrying on from my choral bliss last weekend I was sent into the stars quite literally at Evensong when listening to the choir perform this anthem by Jonathan Dove, 'Seek Him that Maketh The Seven Stars'
I had the privilege of being seated in the Quire right behind them so was fully immersed in the beautiful sound which I confess moved me to tears. You can listen to a version here on YouTube but it isn't as good as the Salisbury Cathedral version on their CD, Praise & Thanksgiving Anthems (in my humble opinion) Don't tell anyone but I'm actually going to buy the sheet music so I can learn to sing it properly by myself so I can sing along to the CD! How sad is that? I told you I just had to sing in a choir didn't I! Well a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.
Seek Him that maketh the seven stars and Orion and turneth the shadow of death into the morning. Alleluia, yea, the darkness shineth as the day, the night is light about me. Amen. Words Amos 5:8 and Psalm 139
:: The receiving of the most wonderful gift ::
Sometimes, very occasionally, I find myself lost for words. A week or 2 ago was one of those times. I was so very blessed to be gifted the most loveliest crochet cushion by sweet Emma from way 'up North'. The fact that someone actually made it for me still makes me tear up because I have never even met her and the hours of work that has gone into this...I'm welling up again. Sigh. You should see the back, it's just as lovely as the front.
The rest of the family were touched by Emma's generosity too and I have noticed them each studying the cushion carefully when it arrived - probably, me thinks, wanting to see what a real life finished crochet project looks like...hmm. Emma, words still fail me xxxxxxxx
:: Alice has started to crochet ::
Well let's not get too excited just yet. She has started to chain stitch but has really enjoyed doing that and has made bracelets for her friends - so there's hope she might be turning out cushions like Emma by Christmas and I won't have to make any presents this year as she will! She's not interested in the least in making anything else so this photo is probably the last you'll see. Shame. I have to laugh because as soon as she said she wanted to learn I was up off my seat and over to the bookcase pulling out all my 'how-to' crochet books as fast as my little legs could carry me. The hooks were out and a choice of yarn colours thrust under her nose. Hopefully I'll be proved wrong and she'll be on her first granny blanket by next month and actually finish them, unlike her mother.
I hope you all had a Happy and peaceful Easter. Ours was mixed bag. My laptop had broken so I haven't been able to blog and spent a total of 3.5 hours on the phone to Dell in India. Don't ask - I've never wanted an Apple laptop more. Then Tom's broke 4 hours later...We were going to go to Ludlow but we decided to stay at home instead. It turned out to be a good thing as poor Anth ended up in A & E (ER) on Monday night for a few hours with a nasty kidney infection which still has him bedridden but at last he is improving. What a year it's been for us so far! My migraine is much, much better. I am on this new medication which seems to be working (though I have started taking extra magnesium too so that may be helping) - I have only had one migraine in 21 days (and that includes headaches not lasting over 5 minutes!) This truly, truly is a miracle. The last time I was so headache free was when I was pregnant with Alice 15 years ago. Although this is wonderful it is hard getting used to the way this new medication is making me feel. I'm not too sure if I have the dose quite right yet. But I'm gradually getting back to my old self. I have been spending time in the garden with the sun on my face, and it feels good. The sign of things to come.
Talking of 15 years ago and of Alice - it was her 15th birthday on the 1st April.
Lovely girls. Lovely smiles. Well, the garden is beckoning. I have a working laptop again so I will see you tomorrow.
[this photo has nothing whatsoever to do with this post - it's just because.]
I have written this post a hundred times in my head in many different ways. I lay awake last night (not like me) and tried to make sense of why I blog and what I should blog about in this small space of mine. How personal should one be? How honest? Do people really want to visit this space to read about how I very nearly drowned in tears on Monday? But I'm afraid I very nearly did, so consequently I lost my blogging voice for the week because I just couldn't pretend and witter on about crochet and the mystery pair of knickers found in the girl's toilets at school. I can't hide things you see. I wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe this blog isn't just about flowery things, pillowcases, Chris Martin and my latest passion. And what happened to me on Monday? Well, it sort of started last Wednesday when I had an appointment with the optician which meant eye drops and very bright lights shining into my eyes = migraine..which went on and on and on. On Friday I saw my Dr (sorry if I'm repeating myself) and she and I have decided to change my prophylaxis medication. I think I misunderstood her complicated proceedure about reducing what I'm already on and increasing the new drug, and I halved my dose over night and by Sunday was very tearful. My migraine was still bad and I was panicking about going back to school on Tuesday. Monday I awoke (Day 5 of migraine which was alternating sides every few days) still feeling bad and then Anth and I discovered that Tom had done something a few months ago which has really upset us both. It's not drugs/sex/anything illegal (or maybe to some any big deal) but it isn't something we would have wanted him to do. I cried all day. I know he is an adult but you hope your teenagers (children) will make wise life decisions and when you think they haven't, you still have to accept it is their life and their choice. How will I ever learn to do this? How can I be suddenly be so powerless in his life? Has our influence meant nothing? Were we too strict? He obviously didn't tell us because he knew what our reaction would be and by my tears I probably confirmed this. But I just couldn't stop and I couldn't pretend I didn't hurt. This has been our first occasion of our only adult child doing something he knows we do not approve of. How does anyone survive the journey of parenthood unscathed? I fully appreciate Anth and I are very fortunate not to have had any major problems with our children so far but it looks like the first 18 years are probably the easiest! I'm still very sad about the situation but the tears have stopped thank goodness and I'm slowly picking myself up and still love my boy. He knows. Very much. I have wondered if my medication muddle has played a part in my Monday/Tuesday melt-down. They were days I never wish to repeat. And in all of this I went back to school. Goodness.
And now I have got that off my chest and told you where I really was/am at - I can move on and talk about those mystery knickers and those hugs. Oh those hugs. But that will be for another day...
Edited: I should have mentioned that I got Tom's permission to talk about this and he read this post before I published it. His main worry is that he has dropped his laptop...but we won't go there....!!
There was definitely a different start to my Mothering Sunday this year. Most years I get brought breakfast in bed on a tray but this year as I awoke and lay there for a while I realised that I would probably still be waiting this time tomorrow. I called out for Alice and Lucy but there was not answer. Mmm, I could hear them watching TV. A lot of selective hearing goes on in this house every now and then. I resorted to texting Lucy.."tea and cereal please." Nothing. I texted Alice the same. Nothing. I lay for a bit longer thinking how lazy I am - I mean who actually texts their daughters for their breakfast on Mothering Sunday? It wouldn't be quite so bad if we lived in a large house but we live in a shoe box. I finally got my breakfast and one card. A homemade one too - they are the best. Lucy had blu tacked (for easy removal) a photo of Chris on the front and inside put a photo of Gwyneth (looking stunning as per usual) with a large red cross over her face. Hmm, that did bring a smile to my lips - well a huge laugh actually. During our visit to Totnes on Saturday I chose 2 gifts. The first one was a notebook (yes, I know, another notebook. I'm obsessed with notebooks
particularly if they have a bird theme.) When I given it on Sunday I found this inside.
Alice's 'card' was a 4 page poem in my new notebook. So sweet. The pages of the notebook are lovely too.
Tom's card is yet to arrive. Bless him. We will say no more. The gift I chose in Gazebo was this fantastic towel.
I just love it. It is from a company called Pip Studio from the Netherlands and I can see it being the next big thing. I actually prefer this towel to my Cath ones. Yes, I really do. They had a turquoise towel too which I loved just as much but didn't think the turquoise would go so well with the blue wallpaper in the bathroom. I keep going to the bathroom just to look at it. Silly me. And the best part of the day (we also went for a walk at Dartington which I'll post about tomorrow) was at bedtime. Anth and I were play fighting in bed and were laughing so loudly that we woke Alice up. She was cross. Lucy was getting fed up but that only made me laugh more. They used to wake me nightly once upon a time...how things have changed! Perhaps they should have texted us to be quiet......!
This week I discovered a song by the Cinematic Orchestra and sung by Patrick Watson. I actually heard a tiny snippet of the song on a TV programme and did an internet search and managed to track it down. It's beautiful and Patrick's voice is haunting. It is called, 'To Build a Home'
There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills...
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust...
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home...
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...
Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed it's knees
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
I held on as tightly as you held onto me...
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...
I then went on to find this song Music Box which I like the lyrics to (from 1minute 30 secs)
My darling, darling girl
Won't you shout it to the world?
My darling, darling, darling girl
Shout it out, my golden girl
Wrap yourself with all the world
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Oh my golden girl)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself with all the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Shout, my golden girl)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself around the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself around the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
It reminds me of Lucy. Our lovely Lucy has been having a bad time of late. That's where the faith bit comes in. Quite unbelievably she has been rejected (hate that word) from every university she has applied to to do medicine. Her teachers are dumbfounded. We are dumbfounded. The rest of the family are dumbfounded. (Hate that word too!) Lucy is a straight A student. She spent all her summer holidays doing a medical bursary at our local hospital and spent a week with my doctor brother Matthew doing 12 hour shifts at his hospital for work experience. She chose Chemistry, Biology, Maths & English for her A levels and is doing very well. She is conscientious, well-behaved (i.e doesn't go out and get drunk/sleep with boys etc), mature, studies everyday and is almost a year younger than her peers as she was born just 2 days before she would have been in the school year below. Who knows why these things happen? We just don't know. I could wail on her behalf. But in all the disappointment she has been so strong, only once blinking back the tears as she sat on my bed in early February when the first rejection came through. I could only say to her that that wasn't where God wanted her to be. Surprisingly I've had to say that 4 more times now and we're beginning to take comfort from it. Those doors have closed for her and we are thinking that a gap year might be just what God intended all along. In that old suitcase of mine that caused such a distraction the other day, I found a yellowing piece of paper with a prayer on it. I read it out at Lucy's dedication in church when she was a baby - well with all my babies. I did not write it and don't know who did. It says,
My God here is my child. I give her to you. Reach out and touch her with the finger of Your love so she may stop where she is, sense Your presence and turn to You. Take her and make of her what You want, not what I want. Call her to adventures You have planned for her. Keep her from sin, but if she sins draw her back to You. Keep her from smallness of spirit. Help her to know herself and enjoy the person You created her to be. Help her to use her gifts to serve You. Help her to plunge deep into the mystery of her union with You and love You above all things as for me. Help me to love her without possessiveness. Help me to be firm and protect her when I must. Help me to be patient while she strives to find herself. Then help me to respect her for what You made her to be. Help me to guide her with Your wisdom. Help me to love letting her go. And when the work is done and she is formed and raised and gone, help me to turn back to You without her and continue the journey, wiser and more understanding of You and Your way with men because I have borne a child of my own.
I have to hand her future over to God because he has plans for her that are different to what we thought. After all I did pray for that 17 years ago. It's felt good writing this post - therapy almost! To cheer Lucy I bought a Cath Kidston neckerchief with her favourite print (London - she thinks London is the most coolest place like I did at her age and was her first and second university choice, bless her.) and made a pillowcase for her. She'll get to London one day.
And on that pillowcase I pinned some of the lyrics of Music Box because I had discovered them that very day and they just felt God given for that very moment.
(and the first time I have ever seen a daughter of mine in a wedding dress! [Duh..obviously!])
Yes, she was chosen to be Cinderella in her school's pantomime which we went and saw last Friday. I just love this photo even though everyone else is blurred. It really epitomises her - shining, eclipsing all the others around her with her sweetness and goodness. My little star. She has waited a long, long time to be a leading lady. My mother, Robin and sweet Grandpa drove all the way from Salisbury just for the show.
I am so proud of Alice. She is blossoming into such a kind and thoughtful young woman. Anthony and I have recently received some very encouraging comments about her from various people and I am so grateful that they take the time to tell us. That is one of the best things about my mothering journey. And the best thing at Friday's performance? That was right at the very end when the cast came into the audience and my youngest child, resplendent in her wedding gown ran straight up the aisle and into my arms. Laughing all the way. Later, when I was in bed - ice pack strapped to my head (remember that pesky migraine I had for the rest of the weekend?) I told her how touched I was that she chose to run to me first, out of all the family there.
"Well of course I would," she exclaimed, " you are my mother and I love you more than anyone in the world. You are the most important person in my life. I told my friends that too."
All that from a Daddy's girl too.
My heart hasn't been the same since....
[an embroidery I made for a 4 year old Alice in 1999 - long before her love of acting flourished]
My heart is full today - so full that my thoughts are just a mass of wires trying to connect so that I may express these oh-so- deep feelings. It started the moment I woke up. Now usually mornings are not my forte. I'm a night owl. It takes me a long time to surface - but today I was wide awake instantly. Tom was leaving very early to go back to University and I lay there fretting. Did he have everything, was he alright? Oh,the mother-angst I just so,sohate about being a mother. You see I'm a champion worrier at the best of times but oh the stress of child independence in some occasions are a killer. It was a relief when Anth finally drove him to the station. I went back to bed and thought about my mothering journey. Yesterday was Grandma's funeral. She was a wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. What roles to have been granted in life and she played them well. So well. Am I the mother I thought I would be? In some ways no. Do I think I am a good mother? My first thoughts are negative, but that maybe because I hold the position of being a good mother so high. Maybe unrealistic or maybe just not me. I feel I'm sometimes too selfish but that could be that my children are teenagers and don't require so much of my time. Do I show them enough love? Am I too critical, too hard to please? Do I listen enough to their hopes and fears? God I hope so. It is a fine balance during these teenage years. I then picked up my trusty iphone to do some blog surfing. I happened by chance, somehow, going from blog to blog like you do, to stumble upon this. So perfect.
It is written by Katherine Center and these are her words written for the video...
WHAT I WOULD TELL HER: (If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely: So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep, or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up. But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is. And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this: What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift. Tenderness is a gift. Intimacy is a gift. And nurturing the good in this world is a nothing short of a privilege.
That’s why I have to love you this way. So I can give what I have to you. So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep. I’ve kissed you a million times. And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.
*************************************
I then went on to discover this book 'Because I love Her' by Andrea Richesin and have ordered it as a little get-better-soon treat for myself, though I think it won't help my over-emotional state right now! But hey, that is one thing my children can count on...their mother reading heart-rending non-fiction books that have her quietly sobbing into a vintage hankie! I suppose it's all about being the best mother one can be in the circumstances you find yourself in. To build up their confidence so that they may fly strong and high and that they won't hopefully remember that I never did baking with them and dragged them around charity shops with the tag of 'treasure hunting'.. My wish is that when it is my funeral and if I have been privileged enough to have the same roles as Grandma; that my children and my children's children will know quite simply, whatever my failings, how deeply they had been loved.
I'm writing this letter to encourage you, if like me, you had wondered where the son you bore some years ago had disappeared to. In his place we have had someone who sometimes was unrecognisable from the laughing, sunny boy we knew so well. But do not despair - your son will return - and in our case he returned to be a wiser, more lovelier son than we could have ever hoped for. As you might remember, Tom went back to Uni about 3 weeks ago to start his 2nd year, and in these few weeks we have seen an incredible change in him. Take this phone call last week for example:
Anth: Hi Tom, what have you done today? Tom: Well I got up at 7.30 (miracle 1) had breakfast and went into town to apply for a job (miracle 2). I then dashed to uni to go to a lecture (miracle 3) which I really enjoyed (miracle 4). The lecturer told us about a book we will be using so I went straight to the library to get it (miracle 5). I spent 3 hours in the library (miracle 6) and then when I left the library I saw a poster wanting volunteers to help old people do their gardens so I signed up (miracle 7). Anth:...stunned silence... Tom: I then went home and tidied my room (miracle 8) Anth:..er, Tom that's fantastic..we're so proud of you...
That was an '8 miracle' phone call - and most of our daily phone calls are sprinkled with the odd miracle or two. In hindsight, we now think he spent his first year at Uni being rather overwhelmed (understandably) and is now coming into his own. Praise God. He even has 2 jobs - yes 2, after a year or two spent cajoling/encouraging/begging him to at least try and get one or do some voluntary work instead. Anth and I could weep with relief and are sending up quiet prayers of thanksgiving. He is even making his own packed lunches instead of buying sandwiches; he's worn the black skinny jeans (bought 2 years ago after ensuring me he would wear them but never did,) nearly everyday. Everyday. On Sunday he spent 6 hours in the library..and so the transformation continues. But seriously, if you have a teenager you don't recognise, be patient and hang on in there because when the time is right the bedroom door (cocoon) will open and this new person will emerge and you'll realise that it was going to be OK all along..
There was a lot of blue sky but not much of this..
sitting and enjoying it. I think I managed 15 minutes outside with Anth
doing my crochet and him doing his study (he is doing his second year part time Open University degree in Social Work - can't remember the fancy title it no doubt has!)
On Saturday we drove Tom to his new digs. Oh my... It's not often that I'm rendered speechless but how on earth can a landlord charge such huge rents for what is basically a hovel! There was no curtains in his room, no light shade, his furniture falling apart and everything was filthy dirty. I had been quite brave until I saw his room then the hot silent tears flowed on the drive to Tesco to buy him some food. But the 2 texts from him tell me he is OK and I keep telling myself that most people have had the dire flat sharing experience and that it can only make him a stronger and better person in the future. I'm just hoping that he doesn't pick up some horrendous bug from the kitchen and bathroom in the meantime! Later at around 8pm we arrived at Ikea and bought 2 rugs, a lime green one( like the leaves on the CK wallpaper) and a black one. We are not sure we will keep them as I would like a shaggy deep pink one (like the roses on the wallpaper) but have not seen one yet. Ooh, that's the door...the chimney sweep has arrived...bring on the autumn! See you tomorrow.
P.S The parasol was bought from Amanda at her stall at Totnes market. She has a choice of pink or blue with white spots. If you would like her email please let me know.
Lucy, yesterday at Winchester's new Cath Kidston shop. Photo taken by Matthew and sent to my phone to tease and frustrate me. She is staying with him as he has arranged for her to do some work experience at his hospital. Yes, we have another budding doctor in the family and where she gets her brains from is a mystery to us all!
Here's the birthday girl yesterday, looking rather..er..old. Our conversation went like this...
Me: "Alice while we wait for Daddy to come home from work, I would like to take your birthday portrait (family tradition) while it is still light."
Alice, shouting from upstairs: "OK, I'm just getting changed."
Alice then appears dressed in her favourite dress which has been taken back out of the dirty washing basket. The large food stain was at my eye level as I sat on the sofa. Her black cardigan covered in cat hair as one of the cats had been lying on it. But as I went to meet her gaze to point this out I became distracted by a more obvious feature and in doing so I miraculously turned into my mother.
Me: "You can go back upstairs right now and take that make up off. Your face is orange!"
Alice in complete surprise: "Really, oh, I didn't really notice." (Meaning - make up what make up?!)
A few minutes later. She appears back in the room; face less orange but her eyes ringed in heavy black eyeliner.
Me: but my mother somehow speaking through me: "Absolutely no way. Go and take that off!"
Alice: "But I have!"
Me: "It's that black eyeliner. Go and take that off, please."
Alice: "I can't, oh please don't make me, it looks alright I always wear this, all my friends wear it..etc"
Incredibly, I give in.
Me: "Well, I don't know what Granny will say."
We go outside and she sits on the wall. As I look through my view finder I catch my breath as I see my 14 year old self looking back at me. Eye liner or no eye liner.
She is blossoming into such a wonderful young woman. She has the best attributes of both Anth and myself and for that we are truly grateful. Though does this mean I had better make friends with the eye liner - or will I always sound like my mother?
It was after I had wandered into Alice's bedroom to get some pillowcases from the linen cupboard - glanced at the walls and then went straight into Lucy's room that I realised that we 3 Goble girls have a little problem with excess. Just a little.
First, we will look at Alice's obsession with the Jonas Brothers, Zac Efron and High School Musical and yes, if you look in the bottom left hand corner of the photo you will see 2 empty fromage frais tubes stuck to the wall! Why, I hear you ask has she stuck half eaten tubes of fromage frais on the wall and not put them in the rubbish? Because they have pictures of High School Musical on them..hmm. Nearly every square inch is covered with these boys and at Christmas poor Tom had to sleep with an enormous poster of Zac Efron hovering above him on the ceiling.
Now, onto Lucy bedroom.
She, sometimes aided by her mother, is amassing a rather large collection of necklaces, mostly vintage I'm happy to say and in the most part extremely pretty. This means that her dressing table is awash with necklaces of every sort; some muddled and in knots; piles heaped onto glass cake stands; some hanging from the mirror and some on hooks.
And then we have the handbags hanging from every door handle. Each Goble girl is guilty of handbag-love.
And finally the last, and indeed worst Goble girl. Me. One of my many obsessions is my love of bedlinen and especially vintage pillowcases. That once tidy and ordered linen cupboard is not as it should be...brace yourselves..
..ooh, it's so bad you can't even see the wallpaper at the back. What a dreadful muddle. It's not all bedlinen I hasten to add - there are tablecloths; cushion covers and all manner of lineny goodness in there too. But it is in bad need of a sort out.
And then we step outside the bedrooms and onto the landing where my collection of handiwork graces the walls - I have others waiting to be framed but we are almost out of space. I won't show you the books (me)and shoes (Lucy and Alice) but you can get the picture I'm sure.
So it looks like my daughters have inherited my hoarding gene, bless them. And I think I should come clean and confess that if Chris Martin's picture was on some tubes of fromage frais they just might find themselves on my bedroom wall..empty of course.
Thank you again for your encouragement and kind words about my craft club. This week I even had 2 boys ask to join so it looks like it will be expanding but as it is just me I am going to expand slowly. Your book suggestions were great and I will try our library for the Lucinda Guy books. I loved reading about your favourite soaps - again I found I hadn't even heard of some so will try and hunt some down. Isn't great when we swap ideas. Do have a joyful weekend wherever you may be.
Oh, oh oh. It was horrible. Just horrible. Yesterday was the first day that I haven't cried. I cried before he went when the girls hugged him goodbye. I then cried when we got to the Campus and saw his grotty little room and the look on his face; I cried when we had a last cup of tea together; cried when we said goodbye, cried on our 2 hour journey to Bath, cried just a teeny bit in Cath Kidston the next day, and then sobbed on Amanda's sweet shoulder at Shepton Mallet, and finally on Monday when I went grocery shopping and realised I didn't need to buy his Muller Rice. It has been much, much harder than I ever thought it would be and I am wondering if it is because it is bringing back memories of the times I have been overwhelmed with homesickness. Who knows - but either way I don't like it.
Between the tears though I have had to smile at Alice. She is very excited about moving into Tom's bedroom as she has always shared with Lucy. I don't think we had been gone half an hour before she had put her 'touches' onto her 'new' space
His Play Station complete with crochet doily.
His vintage, wooden crate (i.e his bedside table!) transformed with my a (inside out!!) embroidered tablecloth and pillows.
His handmade CD box draped, again, with doily love and the all important 'High School Musical' in a prominent position.
Bless her for making me smile, and as Anth reminded me, she is being creative and doing what I keep hoping my children will do - have their own individual style and be that little bit different than the rest. Oh, I love my children.
Hello dear friends. I'm just popping in to say hi and to say that we will be going to Ludlow for a few days. We have had a lovely time this week as we have had Anth's sister and husband visiting us from New Zealand. It has been wonderful to see them especially as they are the last of the family to visit us in the UK. Unfortunately the weather has been bad but we haven't let that stop us going out and about.
Yesterday was a big day in my children's life as Tom and Lucy received their A level results. Tom has been offered a place at the lovely university we visited back in March. He is doing a different course but I think it is a more interesting one. Obviously we are so, so pleased for him, and enormously proud of him. It hasn't been an easy year for Tom and we're sure this will be a wonderful start to his adult life. Gosh, my first-born will be flying the nest at the end of September..ahh, I feel ..mmm ..old!
Lucy also did a A level Maths module (a couple of years early as she is still only 15,) and she got 94/100...! A child of mine got an A in Maths. Maths isn't one of my strong points or Anth's either so where she gets it from who knows.
Alice has been staying in Salisbury, with Granny and Poppa for the last 2 weeks. She has been doing a Acting Summer School and tomorrow we will go and watch her perform in King Arthur. We have really missed her and hear that she has been working really hard. Then it's up to Ludlow. I will definitely be opening my shop when I return, and no it isn't a real bricks and mortar affair which some of you have thought, it is only another page of my blog which you will find in my sidebar. I'm sorry if I have confused anyone, perhaps 'shop' is not the right word for it! Oops.
So, I hope the following week is everything you would like it to be and I will be back soon. Go well..
I'm so sorry for the unexpected blog intermission. A wonderful weekend in Ludlow (more tomorrow) was slightly marred by waking up last Sunday with a migraine. I decided to try not to take my normal medications (apart from pain relief) as as though they work extremely well they cause me to have rebound migraines and then I'm onto a never ending cycle of medicine/headache/medicine/headache etc. So I started school on Monday with very good intentions. I lasted until 3.40am on Wednesday and took an injection; got to school late, burst into tears and had to go home. Thursday was indescribable and I was worried it was going to be another 14 day cycle but I slowly improved and, joy of joy, felt better by Friday evening. I just can't believe it, even now!
It meant that I was able to fully enjoy watching Alice last night in her latest TAF Gold production Aladdin. She was an narrator this time and Anth and I could hardly believe how much she has matured from last year's performance. She even won an award...for the Blondest Arabian!
Poor Alice, I apparently even managed to embarrass her whilst sitting in a darkened theatre. She overheard people saying when they left the stage,
"Who's that lady with the enormous camera?"
Knowing who that must be she replied,
"Oh that's my mum and if you wait you'll hear her scream after the flash and bang of the Genie's lamp...3..2..1"
BANG! FLASH!
.."Ah!" I leaped into the air and even managed to scratch Lucy's face as my hands flew up.
Apparently there was a lot of sniggering behind the curtain..
My changing relationship with my children. I'm not sure when this phase started, but I'm so loving the time we are spending together. I have noticed that now they are older and don't have to, or need to be with me all of the time - they each choose to do something different with me.
Lucy chooses to join me on the sofa to watch our favourite TV programmes. She is a wonderful companion and enjoys the same programmes as me. We settle down - she at one end of the sofa and me at the other and work our way through our Sky+ planner. Current favourites are; Big Brother (yeah I know I shouldn't admit to that one); Britain and America's Next Top Model; Brothers & Sisters; & Tribal Wives. Mmm.. a large clutch of reality shows in there. Before leaving the house in the morning we discuss what we will watch later that day so we have something to look forward to. Ha! And I'm admitting to this...aren't we sad! I know it will change soon and she will be off doing more exciting things so I'm enjoying every programme pause (with Sky+ you can pause and rewind live TV - pure brilliance) to discuss plots, nasty behaviour, dresses, houses and hairstyles. She and I also 'do' tearooms but that's another story.
Tom chooses to spend time with me last thing at night just as I am about to turn off my bedside light. He will suddenly appear at the side of the bed and I have to try and unpick his man/boy worries/thoughts as they are being hesitantly told to me without being tempted to say, "Could we have this conversation in the morning?" We share the same sense of humour and he often seeks me out to show me something funny on YouTube and it brings me great joy to watch him laugh which I wish he did more of because it suits him.
Alice is my supermarket buddy. She enjoys coming to Sainsburys with me and chooses do it every week. I took this photo in 2007 whilst she browsed the Valentine's cards and it made me smile as it was the first time she had shown an interest in Valentine's Day. I can't get over how young she looks and it was only last year. She is a big help to me and is capable of doing the weekly shop herself though we would end up with a trolley of junk food if she had her way. Gosh that girl likes her food, especially sweets. Again, it's lovely to spend the time with her especially if we go to the cafe first.
So while I do miss those babies of mine I am enjoying this part of my motherhood journey, despite the pick-ups at 1am. I learn a lot from each of them and am grateful they seek out my company to do those different things.
Tomorrow, Anth, Lucy and I are heading up to the Ludlow Festival and on Friday night will be going to watch Shakespeare's Richard III performed in the Castle grounds - fingers crossed the weather will be good. I'm hoping for some good treasure hunting too. Back on Sunday. Go well my friends.
Well now that it's half term i've had alot of things planned. Unfortunatly all my fun begins tomorrow (Thursday) so these past few days have been very dull and boring for me. It doesn't help the fact it's been terrible rain!!
I was so bored yesterday that i decided to go to Sainsburys with my mum. We walked through the cooking ingredients aisle, and I thought it would be a good idea to make some fairy cakes; so mum and I bought the ingredients (you'll never see mum in the kitchen as she says she has many other things she wants to do that the finished result will actually last longer than 5 seconds!).
Today as you've probably guessed i've been spending the past hour making cakes!
It's been alright apart from the fact Mum and I have both got headaches, Mum's got it worse than me, so i thought it would be a nice idea to do a blog for a change.
So here i am making my cakes, with the fairy lights of course. Quite a bad picture of me unfortunatey; but Lucy took it, so as her sister, I will blame her!
Finally my cakes were done, and they came out.....well.....they could've been better!
The worst part remains, which is doing the washing up afterwards!! Oh well I better do it now so i don't have to do it later.
Hopefully i'll speak soon and thank you for reading,
I can't believe it's been a whole week since I've last posted. Tut tut, hope you haven't noticed. I've been a busy bee. A very, very busy bee with an 18 year old son but more about that later. Well...do you like it? My wall of flowers. I'm thrilled with it especially when every picture has been bought from a car boot or charity shop and cost from 25p to £3; oh with the exception of one that sweet Amanda sent me as a gift. Thank you, Amanda!
It is a work in progress as I'm expecting to add to it. I did repaint a lot of the frames, and I'm glad I did as they all sort of 'blend' together now.
Summer arrived last weekend with gloriously sunny weather which brought out many, many sellers at my regular car boot sales - in fact almost too many! I found some treasures though, one being this..
..a sweet nativity picture which seems to mean I must be officially collecting anything with a Mary theme. (You know when I was a little girl my dream was to play Mary in our Sunday School's nativity play but I was always an angel, year after year. It still stings!!)
Oh before I forget Kathy has asked about the little Barbola mirror.
I found it at a jumble sale and bought it for a £1. Only problem is that it is missing it's mirror so I have temporarily placed another mirror against it (even though it's too big) and am on active look-out for a smaller one. And finally, there was celebration in the Goble household on Wednesday as our firstborn turned 18. But being a grown up boy of 18 does not mean you're too old for kisses from your mother...even if you are taller than her!
The Bad ~ Oh dear friends, I have just experienced one of my 'Top 10 of Worst Days.' On Monday afternoon Tom was mugged on his way home from town. He had gone to buy Alice a birthday present and was followed and cornered. The culprit demanded his beloved ipod, mobile phone, wallet (complete with our front door key and address.) Thankfully he wasn't hurt but he thought the thief had a knife and was told that he would be shot or stabbed if he told the police. He duly handed everything over and came back home very shaken, shocked and angry.
For the next 36 hours we have had numerous phone calls and visits to the police station. Incredibly, the culprit was identified, caught, and is still being held in custody. Tom's belongings haven't been found (I'm sure we will never see them again) and he is devastated to lose his ipod which he had worked hard for and saved to buy. As his mother my emotions are all over the place. I feel incredible anger, not only with the culprit but with his parents for whatever is lacking in their child's life that made him think that this was acceptable behaviour. I'm also angry with society that makes it unsafe in a sleepy seaside town to walk home at 4.30 pm in the bright sunlight. But mostly I am grateful. Grateful that my beautiful boy is safe and that the police found the perpetrator. I'm trying to stay positive and think about what he will learn from this horrid experience but I feel I could cry as I re-live the scenerio everytime I close my eyes. My peace of mind has been temporarily damaged and I feel my family is vunerable.
Now to the good ~
Alice's 13th birthday was slightly overshadowed with the previous afternoon's events but she was very understanding. We all went out for dinner but were a subdued group sitting around the table.
She's 13 now, and how my baby has grown and she is turning into such a lovely young woman with a kind heart, and a ready smile from a sweet mouth that is rarely quiet (so like her Mother - the noise, not the sweetness!)
She's also very keen at singing, which the neighbours could probably confirm, and unbeknown to them they will probably be hearing her more clearly as she got High School Musical Sing Star for her birthday, complete with 2 microphones. Mmm..well a star has to start somewhere doesn't she?
