I mean - how utterly ridiculous! I haven't yet opened the envelope to see what I have to do to be rich, famous and a 'big box office hit.' I knew one day I might find a way to Chris Martin so maybe this might not be so utterly ridiculous after all. I'll keep you posted..
What could have been misconstrued as today's inappropriateness
(I keep laughing about it) We had 4 teenagers (plus Anth and me) in our tiny 3 bedroom house last night. Lucy's lovely friend stayed over and this morning there was a queue for the bathroom. At one stage Anth and I were in the bathroom together with the door locked (unheard of usually but we had a guest) and I nearly had a mishap and screamed out, "Anth, stop, stop I'm slipping!" and then there was a lot of giggling. Now, remember our bathroom is really small and Anth was pushing pass me to reach something and I nearly went head over heels over the side. It was only when I stopped shouting that I realised that it sounded as if we were up to no good. At that time in the morning too??!! I dread to think what Lucy's friend thought.
Little love tokens
I had only sat down for 20 seconds this morning when a little boy sidled up to me to give me a sweet from his birthday party. 10 seconds later came a heart from a little girl. Not to be outdone 2 more followed in quick succession. It made me smile.
I have always loved eccentric people. People who were braver than me to express themselves without worrying what others thought of them. When I was younger I would hang around them hoping that some of their individuality would rub off onto me. But what I usually love most is the shock factor about their behaviour. I was brought up in a very English middle-class family - my parents were hotel managers and I spent my first 17 years living in large hotels. This meant I met/lived/worked with many different kinds of people many of them eccentric. An unconventional childhood in many ways but certainly in my eyes a privileged one. (Though it has played havoc with my cooking skills...well that's my excuse!!) The wonderful characters I came across still get spoken about today, their catch phrases and some of the outrageous tomfoolery enjoyed even now. Others were like an extended family to me and influenced my life with their artistic and creative ways. I have always been able to mix with people from different walks of life and I put that down to my upbringing and the variety of people I came in contact with. I recently came across someone who ticks all my boxes for pure, outrageous, eccentric, tomfoolery. Thank goodness I am never likely to meet him (shame he is on a reality show in London) because we would not be a good combination. He never fails to delight me and make me laugh. There is more of him on YouTube - do partake.
My mother says I never know when to stop and yes, I am sometimes judged to be ..er..shall we say inappropriate. I say I have a rather naughty (probably should read outrageous) sense of humour which I don't reveal in all it's ingloriousness on this blog; but that doesn't stop me trying to take any opportunity to see the funny side of most eventualities or better still hoping someone else (like good old Louie above) might be persuaded to do something while I watch on wetting myself with laughter. It worked well on my 3 brothers when they were younger. Fortunately, I don't know anyone these days who I can lead astray but my brother Matthew and I have on occasion , as Anth says, "New Zealand accent here..Ahh, you have gone too far this time..!" Yes, I would get no work done with Louie around and I would probably only try and outdo him and fail miserably. I love eccentrics. And what got me thinking about eccentrics in the first place? Well, I was called one last Sunday - yeah me. Me! It was by a double-glazing salesman. He had sat in our horrendously untidy sitting-room for 2 hours. Stared at the 2 ginormous flowery bags that had wool spilling out all over the floor like spaghetti. Contemplated the 2 foot tower of magazines and old newspapers in the corner. Stroked the half shaved cat. Gazed at the wall of flowers. Inspected our rotten french doors which we haven't been able to open since December (hence why he was there). Observed the 15 buckets and 5 chimney pots outside with dead plants in them. Did a double take at my sparkly corner. Wondered why there was a Migra Cap (that's if he even had any idea that was what it was!) lying on the floor (I was on Day 4 I think). Mentioned my Mary on the mantelpiece (but can't remember what he said). Drank his tea from a flowery tea cup. Had to be physically pulled out of the chair by the fireplace as it has lost it's springs and he sat down before I could stop him. But the words were uttered, albeit kindly, from his lips when he was leaving and standing at the front door looking down in astonishment at our flowery side plates and bowls - our entire kitchen cupboard spread out on the floor by the entrance to the house. I just smiled and took it as a compliment. Well I am English I should be a little eccentric if nothing else.
And the reason why we have our crockery by the front door? Last week, yes they have been there over a week, Anth could take the wobbly tower of (fabulous/gorgeous/beautiful) plates and bowls no more and has ordered me (nicely) to sort them into a more manageable hillock. Umm..I haven't quite got around to it yet, but I will tomorrow. I'm sure.
[this photo has nothing whatsoever to do with this post - it's just because.]
I have written this post a hundred times in my head in many different ways. I lay awake last night (not like me) and tried to make sense of why I blog and what I should blog about in this small space of mine. How personal should one be? How honest? Do people really want to visit this space to read about how I very nearly drowned in tears on Monday? But I'm afraid I very nearly did, so consequently I lost my blogging voice for the week because I just couldn't pretend and witter on about crochet and the mystery pair of knickers found in the girl's toilets at school. I can't hide things you see. I wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe this blog isn't just about flowery things, pillowcases, Chris Martin and my latest passion. And what happened to me on Monday? Well, it sort of started last Wednesday when I had an appointment with the optician which meant eye drops and very bright lights shining into my eyes = migraine..which went on and on and on. On Friday I saw my Dr (sorry if I'm repeating myself) and she and I have decided to change my prophylaxis medication. I think I misunderstood her complicated proceedure about reducing what I'm already on and increasing the new drug, and I halved my dose over night and by Sunday was very tearful. My migraine was still bad and I was panicking about going back to school on Tuesday. Monday I awoke (Day 5 of migraine which was alternating sides every few days) still feeling bad and then Anth and I discovered that Tom had done something a few months ago which has really upset us both. It's not drugs/sex/anything illegal (or maybe to some any big deal) but it isn't something we would have wanted him to do. I cried all day. I know he is an adult but you hope your teenagers (children) will make wise life decisions and when you think they haven't, you still have to accept it is their life and their choice. How will I ever learn to do this? How can I be suddenly be so powerless in his life? Has our influence meant nothing? Were we too strict? He obviously didn't tell us because he knew what our reaction would be and by my tears I probably confirmed this. But I just couldn't stop and I couldn't pretend I didn't hurt. This has been our first occasion of our only adult child doing something he knows we do not approve of. How does anyone survive the journey of parenthood unscathed? I fully appreciate Anth and I are very fortunate not to have had any major problems with our children so far but it looks like the first 18 years are probably the easiest! I'm still very sad about the situation but the tears have stopped thank goodness and I'm slowly picking myself up and still love my boy. He knows. Very much. I have wondered if my medication muddle has played a part in my Monday/Tuesday melt-down. They were days I never wish to repeat. And in all of this I went back to school. Goodness.
And now I have got that off my chest and told you where I really was/am at - I can move on and talk about those mystery knickers and those hugs. Oh those hugs. But that will be for another day...
Edited: I should have mentioned that I got Tom's permission to talk about this and he read this post before I published it. His main worry is that he has dropped his laptop...but we won't go there....!!
Just a very quick note to say that tomorrow I'm finally returning to school. I saw the doctor on Friday and told her that I just had to return on Tuesday for my own sanity! I'm needing a routine and to get out of the house and more importantly, to see those sweet, sweet faces of the children and my colleagues. Saying that, I'm feeling nervous! The doctor has also changed my daily prophylaxis migraine medication which has me panicked too. Perhaps this isn't the time to be messing around with my medication but my heads haven't been good over the last 5 days. Oh dear, oh dear. I'm in a bit of an emotional state today so I will love you and leave you for now. Before I go I will just tell you that the above photo is of a fabulous scarf sent to me all the way from Australia. I have worn it almost everyday since I received it - even indoors. Now that's love for you....
I have spent the entire week covered in goose bumps and with the odd lump in my throat as I have immersed myself in vintage Genesis.
You see it all started the other week when Matthew mentioned that there was a channel on Sky called Sky Arts (or something similar) which showed music documentaries and concerts. A quick flick through showed that there were 2 documentaries about Genesis due to be shown this week. Well, what a week it's been. My love affair with Genesis started in 1977 (you can read about it here) and since I don't like what they have done since Duke in 1980, I am, or so I thought, limited in finding DVDs and live concert CDs and footage which focuses on the 70's and the 1980 tour when I saw them in my home town and almost in my actual home! Yes, I could have slept under the same roof as them in 1980 but I wont dwell on that fact (thank you Mum. Not.! Story in above link)
Anyway, I have been enthralled with these documentaries watching snippets of the vintage Genesis I love. I also discovered a very interesting fact and I am kicking myself for not making the connection before. In the 1980's their producer was Hugh Padgham - Hugh is Cath Kidston's partner! If I'm brutally honest I never bought any of the Genesis albums he produced as they went more commercial after 1980 and lost the very essence I loved. But this week's Genesis rediscovery doesn't end with the TV - I went on to discover a treasure trove of videos on YouTube even better than the snippets of television concert footage. I never thought to look on YouTube before. I have been in heaven but there have been grumbles and a far share of eye rolling in the family. Lucy walked in quite late on Wednesday after school and stood at the sitting-room door her face aghast, "You were watching this when I left for school this morning and you are still watching it now?!" The other night we had 4 minutes before the news started so I suggested 4 minutes of the Afterglow footage which they sat through complaining...well I did get to the remote control first! Tom was encouraged (read forced) to watch some with me last night as he is home for Easter. With each new song I was asking everyone, "don't you recognise this? Surely!" Funnily enough If they said yes I was thrilled. Why I don't know. Probably because I want them to love it as much as me; but I'm not holding out much hope - though Anth was able to sing along a bit with Ripples which made me look at him in a new light - I may have my own rock star husband yet! And did you think that you, my friends, were not going to be subjected to a little vintage Genesis love? Oh no. You can't get away that easily. Here we go..and no eye rolling... here's Afterglow one of my absolute favourites.
And the last bit of The Musical Box
and... ...you have had enough already? Just one more...
..oh and I can't resist Ripples even though it's a newer concert.
On Sunday we went for a walk at Dartington Hall - the gardens are beautiful and I have been known to sit amongst the flowers crocheting in the warmer weather. This time it was the carpet of crocuses that took my breath away.
(a perfect sewing room me thinks - it even has a chimney.)
It felt good being out in the spring sunshine again.
There was definitely a different start to my Mothering Sunday this year. Most years I get brought breakfast in bed on a tray but this year as I awoke and lay there for a while I realised that I would probably still be waiting this time tomorrow. I called out for Alice and Lucy but there was not answer. Mmm, I could hear them watching TV. A lot of selective hearing goes on in this house every now and then. I resorted to texting Lucy.."tea and cereal please." Nothing. I texted Alice the same. Nothing. I lay for a bit longer thinking how lazy I am - I mean who actually texts their daughters for their breakfast on Mothering Sunday? It wouldn't be quite so bad if we lived in a large house but we live in a shoe box. I finally got my breakfast and one card. A homemade one too - they are the best. Lucy had blu tacked (for easy removal) a photo of Chris on the front and inside put a photo of Gwyneth (looking stunning as per usual) with a large red cross over her face. Hmm, that did bring a smile to my lips - well a huge laugh actually. During our visit to Totnes on Saturday I chose 2 gifts. The first one was a notebook (yes, I know, another notebook. I'm obsessed with notebooks
particularly if they have a bird theme.) When I given it on Sunday I found this inside.
Alice's 'card' was a 4 page poem in my new notebook. So sweet. The pages of the notebook are lovely too.
Tom's card is yet to arrive. Bless him. We will say no more. The gift I chose in Gazebo was this fantastic towel.
I just love it. It is from a company called Pip Studio from the Netherlands and I can see it being the next big thing. I actually prefer this towel to my Cath ones. Yes, I really do. They had a turquoise towel too which I loved just as much but didn't think the turquoise would go so well with the blue wallpaper in the bathroom. I keep going to the bathroom just to look at it. Silly me. And the best part of the day (we also went for a walk at Dartington which I'll post about tomorrow) was at bedtime. Anth and I were play fighting in bed and were laughing so loudly that we woke Alice up. She was cross. Lucy was getting fed up but that only made me laugh more. They used to wake me nightly once upon a time...how things have changed! Perhaps they should have texted us to be quiet......!
* Thank you all so much for your encouraging words for Lucy. I found her in her bedroom reading through them all with misty eyes. She put in her Mothering Sunday card that she loves me for not making her feel that she has disappointed me. I hadn't thought about that at all so I'm grateful that is what she feeling and grateful for your kindness and reassurance too. * Now let's move on to some visual loveliness. This was our Saturday morning in Totnes...
Right..regulate breathing..
Needed a cup of tea after all that Gazebo goodness. I was tired after all the stroking of beautiful things that, "I simply must have or"..pause here for dramatic effect..."I will just not be able to live without..! Truly!"
I was allowed to choose one thing (no, two things) for Mothering Sunday which I'll show you tomorrow. But..let me tell you this..Gazebo is my all time favourite shop ever. It stocks all my favourite brands and then some I've never heard of. But I do think that they should warn all ladies that go in there that you just can't live without any of the prettiness. Truly!
This week I discovered a song by the Cinematic Orchestra and sung by Patrick Watson. I actually heard a tiny snippet of the song on a TV programme and did an internet search and managed to track it down. It's beautiful and Patrick's voice is haunting. It is called, 'To Build a Home'
There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills...
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust...
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home...
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...
Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed it's knees
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me
I held on as tightly as you held onto me...
Cause, I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust...
I then went on to find this song Music Box which I like the lyrics to (from 1minute 30 secs)
My darling, darling girl
Won't you shout it to the world?
My darling, darling, darling girl
Shout it out, my golden girl
Wrap yourself with all the world
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Oh my golden girl)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself with all the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Shout, my golden girl)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself around the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
(Wrap yourself around the world)
Little bit of gold, little bit of pearl
It reminds me of Lucy. Our lovely Lucy has been having a bad time of late. That's where the faith bit comes in. Quite unbelievably she has been rejected (hate that word) from every university she has applied to to do medicine. Her teachers are dumbfounded. We are dumbfounded. The rest of the family are dumbfounded. (Hate that word too!) Lucy is a straight A student. She spent all her summer holidays doing a medical bursary at our local hospital and spent a week with my doctor brother Matthew doing 12 hour shifts at his hospital for work experience. She chose Chemistry, Biology, Maths & English for her A levels and is doing very well. She is conscientious, well-behaved (i.e doesn't go out and get drunk/sleep with boys etc), mature, studies everyday and is almost a year younger than her peers as she was born just 2 days before she would have been in the school year below. Who knows why these things happen? We just don't know. I could wail on her behalf. But in all the disappointment she has been so strong, only once blinking back the tears as she sat on my bed in early February when the first rejection came through. I could only say to her that that wasn't where God wanted her to be. Surprisingly I've had to say that 4 more times now and we're beginning to take comfort from it. Those doors have closed for her and we are thinking that a gap year might be just what God intended all along. In that old suitcase of mine that caused such a distraction the other day, I found a yellowing piece of paper with a prayer on it. I read it out at Lucy's dedication in church when she was a baby - well with all my babies. I did not write it and don't know who did. It says,
My God here is my child. I give her to you. Reach out and touch her with the finger of Your love so she may stop where she is, sense Your presence and turn to You. Take her and make of her what You want, not what I want. Call her to adventures You have planned for her. Keep her from sin, but if she sins draw her back to You. Keep her from smallness of spirit. Help her to know herself and enjoy the person You created her to be. Help her to use her gifts to serve You. Help her to plunge deep into the mystery of her union with You and love You above all things as for me. Help me to love her without possessiveness. Help me to be firm and protect her when I must. Help me to be patient while she strives to find herself. Then help me to respect her for what You made her to be. Help me to guide her with Your wisdom. Help me to love letting her go. And when the work is done and she is formed and raised and gone, help me to turn back to You without her and continue the journey, wiser and more understanding of You and Your way with men because I have borne a child of my own.
I have to hand her future over to God because he has plans for her that are different to what we thought. After all I did pray for that 17 years ago. It's felt good writing this post - therapy almost! To cheer Lucy I bought a Cath Kidston neckerchief with her favourite print (London - she thinks London is the most coolest place like I did at her age and was her first and second university choice, bless her.) and made a pillowcase for her. She'll get to London one day.
And on that pillowcase I pinned some of the lyrics of Music Box because I had discovered them that very day and they just felt God given for that very moment.
..dusting with Anth's dirty sock that's waiting to be washed..
..and cleaning my little silver christening cup with Brasso..
Yesterday I should have beeen making gifts from these..
(yes, I found these in Totnes on Friday.)
..but instead of finding the fabric I wanted in the attic I find these..
..old letters, cards and memories from precious people kept in my grandmother's (who I never met) vanity case. Many were from Anth when we first met; my father when he left home (complete with my tear drop stains;) my mother, who is such a wonderful letter writer you tear up at the first line; Anth's parents; my old childhood Nanny congratulating us on the birth of Alice. Engagement cards; wedding cards. Poems. The list is endless - I didn't realise that I kept so much and there is still more in the attic. Sentimental me. So the washing and sewing wasn't done but I thought of all those people that have come and gone in my life - the different addresses I have lived in on the envelopes and my heart was full. Sigh..
Another sunny morning and it isn't just the humans in the household enjoying it's warmth. I stood for a moment watching him rolling on our bed. Slightly different story this time last week. Alfie had to have a little haircut...well a big haircut really.
Poor boy had got rather matted and I was out of action for the last few weeks and was unable to keep up with the grooming. He has been behaving rather strangely since he has been, er, scalped as he keeps jumping onto things that he shouldn't or hasn't done so before. Take the above photo on my trolley. (Look how grumpy he is!) He also has been jumping into our bath and basin. Perhaps he feels lighter on his paws.
Ooh the big pleasure today is having Matthew (my youngest brother) here and my Tom for the weekend. Matthew came with a surprise for me..look....look..
...tickets for my beloved Crosby Stills and Nash. I am sooooooooooooooo thrilled and excited!!! I may not have mentioned very often how I spent my teenage years, after loving pre 1980 Genesis, totally LOVING Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young (I was a bit of a hippy then.) I have only seen them once and that was in 1983. I was unemployed and living in Perth Scotland and saved up to buy a ticket and the train fare to Birmingham (it was a 6 hour journey). I was the youngest in the audience and the first to run down to the front and was thanked for doing so by one of them. I love David Crosby best, then Stephen Stills and then Graham Nash. What I do dislike immensely is whenever anyone plays any of their music it is always 'Teach Your Children' or 'Marrakesh Express' which are totally the worst songs they have ever made. It doesn't showcase their wonderful harmonies. Right, rant over but my goodness I am so looking forward to seeing them. I thought I would have to go to the US to see them again as I missed out in getting tickets last year when they were in the UK. Such big pleasure...I'm counting the days...
Thursday morning was bathed in spring sunshine so I decided it was time I got behind the wheel again and ventured out by myself...driving! The last time I drove was the 12th Jan and I did wonder if I could actually make the 15 minute journey to the best local charity shop area (pure bliss, 3 good ones in 100 yards).
The lure of charity shops proved too strong and I set off. I had a wonderful time, though pickings weren't brilliant, but best of all my legs felt normal. I felt normal! One of my two of my finds were the china flowers above (left) and this sweet tea pot.
I also visited a pet shop and bought more arsenal for the 'feeder wars'
I even bought meal worms (dead, I hasten to add!) which I had to steel myself to touch. So now the tree has 5, yes 5 feeders of varying types.
And have they been visited since? Just blooming once by a single blue tit. Once. Well, they could have gone on them during the rare time I wasn't gazing out of the window wasting time waiting. The family think I've gone over the top and goodness knows what the neighbours think as it is actually their tree, but it hangs over our access to the back of our house and I did ask. But I assured Anth that I would buy no more. My arsenal is complete..I just have to wait and wait so it seems - dead meal worms or not. And the date? Anth and I went to the movies to see Everything's Fine. It was such a lovely film which had me trying to stifle my sobs into my vintage hankie, though Anth thought I was sneezing! Sneezing? Perhaps it was my shoulders shaking which confused him. It is a sentimental and gentle film and I highly recommend it. Actually, thinking about it none of the 6 other people who were at the screening (yes 6!) were crying. Yes, my friends, it looks like I maybe getting back to normal at long last.
When Anth and I went to York back in November I bought some Cath Kidston hankies (though I really wouldn't describe them as hankies - more of a neckerchief. I love that word, neckerchief! My children would cringe if they heard me use it and laugh at me. Hmm, it is the sort of word my mother would use in her very english precise voice. Neck-er-chief. I must be turning into her. Mmm. ) Anyway, I bought them with the idea of turning them into square pillowcases. I first made the red one for the Christmas Eve new pillowcase tradition but then got poorly so no sewing for me.
But last week I managed to pull out my sewing machine and made 3 more,yes it was a bit of a marathon but I paced myself (the bird one is folded on the bed.) I think my favourite is the new blue one which I got in Totnes the other week, but I have looked on Cath's website and found these two
which will go onto my wish list. Sigh...I have a very long wish list.. but hey this week I'm not thinking about what I haven't got, only what I have got, and people let me tell you I am blessed.
My darling mother bought me this and presented me with it on Friday. As I cannot rely on my painkillers any more to limp through the day until I can safely go to bed and inject myself with the nasty, nasty migraine drug - I have had to resort to ice packs. I usually have a pouch with an elastic strap that goes around my head. So alluring. Gee, I'm so hot I could be smokin'! But a more thoughtful gift I could not have wished for.. The family is proud of what I have accomplished these few weeks behind the scenes. I am proud. Their support means everything to me. Slight problem though....looking at this photo do you think I've blown any chance of getting Chris Martin to fall in love with me....?
(and the first time I have ever seen a daughter of mine in a wedding dress! [Duh..obviously!])
Yes, she was chosen to be Cinderella in her school's pantomime which we went and saw last Friday. I just love this photo even though everyone else is blurred. It really epitomises her - shining, eclipsing all the others around her with her sweetness and goodness. My little star. She has waited a long, long time to be a leading lady. My mother, Robin and sweet Grandpa drove all the way from Salisbury just for the show.
I am so proud of Alice. She is blossoming into such a kind and thoughtful young woman. Anthony and I have recently received some very encouraging comments about her from various people and I am so grateful that they take the time to tell us. That is one of the best things about my mothering journey. And the best thing at Friday's performance? That was right at the very end when the cast came into the audience and my youngest child, resplendent in her wedding gown ran straight up the aisle and into my arms. Laughing all the way. Later, when I was in bed - ice pack strapped to my head (remember that pesky migraine I had for the rest of the weekend?) I told her how touched I was that she chose to run to me first, out of all the family there.
"Well of course I would," she exclaimed, " you are my mother and I love you more than anyone in the world. You are the most important person in my life. I told my friends that too."
All that from a Daddy's girl too.
My heart hasn't been the same since....
[an embroidery I made for a 4 year old Alice in 1999 - long before her love of acting flourished]
Last week had been a changeable week both in terms of the weather and my outlook. The week started off well with me feeling stronger and enjoying pottering around the house - even having glimpses of the girl I used to be (though I know there are parts of her that I will never be again). But as the week progressed I began to struggle. On Friday I came down with another migraine (last weekend was blighted with one too) and it only went on Sunday afternoon. I was not good company. I spent the whole weekend thinking of what I didn't have enough of - certain possessions, money, energy, health, clothes, better relationships, confidence and a flat stomach. It was only when I woke up this morning that I realised that I had been on such a downward spiral that I had gotten into the habit of thinking negatively and that this week is going to be different. So my friends, it will be a week of Good Things starting today. See, the sun has come out already and my lovely husband bought me a primrose. Yes, a 79 pence pot of spring goodness is today's Good Thing.
